Men of the world, hear me
now. Log it in your Outlook, your Blackberry, sticky notes,
and perhaps even carve into your left wrist. In just a few
short days, we will come upon February 14th, otherwise known
as the “V” word. If ever there was a reason
for men to unite, this is the mother of all reasons because
it is here, on this day, that we collectively shoot ourselves
in the foot, year after year. The horror stories are out
there.
I’m a survivor. I made a mistake and my story could
affect you, so listen up. Yellow roses are called “Friendship”
roses. You would think someone in the business of selling
flowers would pick up on that when I distinctly said: “I’d
like to get a dozen roses for my anniversary—oh hey!
Those yellow ones look pretty.”
Okay, I think the word “Wife” would probably
be the hint that I was flower-challenged in this area. As
a professional flower person, wouldn’t you think he
would pick up on that and say to me: “Sir, you’re
strolling down a thorny road if you give your wife yellow
roses instead of, maybe—red roses? Instead, he said
not one word and off I went to present her with beautiful
yellow friendship roses on our anniversary—at work.
I trusted this man—put my fate in his hands and what
happened: For the next three months, my wife continuously
praised my “friendship” to her, all the while
making sure that our relationship didn’t exceed “friendly”
boundaries if you catch my drift.
On this Valentine’s Day, learn some fundamentals.
Your financial status has no bearing on whether or not you
buy flowers for your wife or girlfriend. If you have to
make the choice between food and flowers, I suggest you
buy the flowers. If you don’t eat, the worst that
can happen is you’ll die. If you shun your little
lady, your fate will be much worse.
Another no-no: waiting until the last minute to buy your
Valentine’s Day card. Would you like to see something
truly pitiful? Go to the nearest drugstore, around 6 p.m.
on Valentine’s Day, and look at the men standing in
front of a sparse collection of cheesy Valentine’s
Day cards. Look at their faces. They are the doomed. Most
will not survive. Learn from them.
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